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Dec. 1st, 2004 @ 12:18 am (no subject)

I feel : mellow

mellow
I'm listening too: my boo ~ Usher

so i know its been like almost a month since i updated. sry guys. theres been a lot going on. and every time i go to update I just dont feel like it anymore or im tired, neway here it goes... got lots to say... first off

kandice
me and kandice are doing wonderfull. I love her bunches. We hang out a lot, ive got to know her family, there cool. We pretty much spend most of out time at her house or the movies, lol theres nothing much else to do is this POS town. I saw her band concert a couple weeks back it was really good. and then we all went out to eat afterwards. I went to her house for a little while on thanksgiving as well. met her whole family... no exsaturation... WHOLE family lol. then we went to the movies with donta and jill. we went to some movie theatre out in camden it was like old timey.. it was cool they didnt even give us ticket stubs. we watched sponge bob lol it was alright. I think me and kandice are gonna last for a while. I hope so.

Gabe
gabes come and gone. we hung out pretty much everday. I think we grew close while he was here. Im kinda sad that hes leaving. Toni was upset today cause before... this leave was set he was defiently coming home.. now theres no telling when hes gonna be back... it was kinda depressing. im gonna miss him a lot, but i cant imagine what tonis going threw right now... i just hope he can come home soon. or at least gets stationed somewhere close.

publix
I am no longer employed at publix. F that peice of shit job. It sucked and im glad to be rid of it.

Mcalisters
I love my job and mcalisters. the people are fun. we work hard but have fun at the same time. I dont think ima leave that job for a while

chris
chris is gonna be here dec 30 through the 12th. ill be working a lot so hes gonna need some people to hang out. let me know if u wanna hang out with him and i weill relay the message.

well thats it for now.. i thought id write more after a month lol.

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Oct. 31st, 2004 @ 11:24 pm weekend roundup

I feel :

enthralled
I'm listening too: Hush ~ LL

well this week and weekend.. has been most eventfull. I started dating Kandice on tuesday. I <3 her very much. The rest of the week I just pretty much hung out with donta chris paul and toni.

friday
Friday was great. I went to work at Mcalisters, got off a lil early came home and got changed. left a lil early so i could eat dinner with Kandice before work. I hate that I missed her game, but there was no way i could get outa work. I had a great time with her. We kissed for the first time, it was great. and then I went to work at publix and it was quit boring. No one that I talk to while working was there... it was borring. Then when I got off me and donta went to senior night for the band after the game. I saw robin gave her hugs, she was balling... I know the feeling of leaving. I felt the same way with ROTC. I miss my flight the most. Those kids just dont know how much they ment to me. There were all like my little brothers and sisters. I still see a lot of them sometimes. like audrey and my boy bucheli lol, but its just not the same. *sigh* o well then we left and jen called so me and donta went to walmart and i bout mortal kombat anilihation lol and me donta and jen sat down and watched the movie and ate papa johns then me dad came home and jen left and me and donta went to sleep.

saturday
Me jen and cassidy went out to lunch at subway. It was cool. I've missed jen very much and I always like hanging out with Cassidy so it was cool. While we were eating Chris goodman walked in and invited me and cass to a pty at his house... and at first i was pissed cause i had to work, and he was like nah man it starts at 11... so i was defiently going lol. so I came home. Called my bestest friend Toni and she took me to work. Shes been so cheary lately. Im always happy to see her like that. Neway, The little kiddies came into publix with there halloween costumes and I got to let them color on cookies gah.. the kids were so cute... I love kids. neway. I got outa work at like 10 30 and then I came home got in the shower changed and then me and donta went to chris's pty... man it was great.. I mean wonderfull lol... chris if u read this... which i doubt u do... but if u do... great f'n pty man.... neway lol me and donta pty'd hard and i had a few drinks... and everyone knows what happens to steve when he has a few drinks lol. so about 3 i headed over to tonis... she knew i was coming, lol I told her dont be mad but i might be coming to your house super drunk from chris's pty lol and she was like hahaha ok. so she made the couch up for me cause shes the bestest friend ever and she let me in and I crashed on the crouch. I gota up to pee like a million times. but it was all good lol.

sunday
I woke up at tonis when everyone left for church, so i got up and went in her bed lol, cause its comfy. and so while they were at church i slept like a babby lol and then they came home and tonis asshole lil brother woke me up... douche bag lol and i just went back to sleep, and then i rolled out the bed at around 10, Toni was asleep on the couch. i just kinda chuckled... but then felt bad cause i stole her bed. So i talked to tonis mommmy and her ant for a while then toni caught up and brought me home and brought herself to work. then i called donta and i got ready for kandices pty. we went to target and i bout a nice new shirt and the simple plan cd for my kandi. and then we went to kroger so i could get a rose for her as well and a card. She called me while i was there cause we were running late.. lol hey.. fasionably late.. lol I had such a great time at her house. Didnt really know ne1 but it was great just being with her. and then after the pty it was even better, i helped her clean up and I just felt so comfortable. I was just sitting there with her family watching TV, i just felt so... comfortable lol thats the best way i can explain it. neway then Toni came and got me cause shes awesome and then I came home and talked to my dad and susan a bit and then talked to my kandi only for a bit and here i am lol

so I like kandice a lot. she'll never cheat on me, she dosent get jealous, she trusts me. I've become lost in her. I dont want nething change. shes the best thing thats happened to me in a while, and it was just so sudden and it just feels so natural that we should be together. This is the happiest ive been in such a long time, and I told jen tonight, this is exactly the kinda girl i need in my life right now, one with morals and values, to help me shape myslef into the man im becoming.

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Oct. 24th, 2004 @ 11:04 pm another weekend round up

I feel : happy

happy
I'm listening too: all of this ~ blink 182

well its more of a week round up, nothing really much happened this week cept for hanging out with chris and paul..

friday
I had to work.. and i wasnt very happy about that.. I hate working fridays.. there giving me even more reasons to quit, but yea.. then I came home and talked onto the computer with people and went out with some of my publix buddies til like 4 or the morning, came home and went to sleep.. not much a day but yea..

saturday
didnt really do much this day either.. cause guess what i did.. yup worked. then donta picked me up and i was up talking to my new friend kandice, and then me and donta went to taco bell, and we watched tv then went to bed.

sunday
spent pretty much the whole morning cleaning and talking to my new friend kandice, shes a really sweet girl and ive found myself gettin atached, fast. I havent had someone close in a while and it feels so good. donta ragged on me about it saturday.. he tells me i get attached to fast and then end up getting hurt.. I dont know.. I have a feeling about this one.. Shes nice and sweet, and I enjoy talking to her. *sigh* I really hope this works out..

well neway I know this was kinda short but not much else happened this week was kinda a bland week

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Oct. 17th, 2004 @ 11:12 pm The Weekend Round Up

I feel : content

content
I'm listening too: 1985 ~ bowling for soup

So its time for another weekend round up.. lol for people who actually read this its becoming a habit of mine to remeniss on the weekend at the end of every sunday.. newaz lol what a weekend...

Friday
I worked at Mcalisters in the morning.. Wich was the same as always, we bullshited and got work done. I like working with Chris, hes a really good boss, he has fun with you but hes quick to tell you when your doing something but talks to you like a person and not like a moron and he dosent tell you something needs to change he asks you to change something.. I just respond better to that.. newaz.. I went home and chilled for a lil bit and then Toni picked me and we went to eat at garrets, I talk shit about the place but i really do miss it... so then me and Toni went back to her place and I just kinda hung around. There were a bunch of a lil kids there cause tyler was having a lil halo party. So then I waited on rio and glenda to come and the me toni rio and glenda went and saw Team America: World Police.. That movie was sooooooo funny. If you havent seen it yet.. go see it. its hilarious neway and then I came home and went to sleep.

Saturday
in the morning I didnt really do shit cause i had to work at publix at 3.. so i went to work.. then toni took me home at 10 and some car stopped and shined there head lights and me and ton were like wtf and then I got a call from DONTA and he was like get the fuck out of the car bitch lol.. and so then me him and grace went to put put.. and i might add i had my uniform on from publix wich was kinda emberassing lol.. neway.. we played a few rounds of baseball and one game of ddr.. and then we took grace home and he slept over

Sunday
I woke up donta at like 12 lol and then he went to get a haircut and go get some groceries for his mother.. and then .. well im just gonna some stuff went down that I really shouldnt make public.. but Things just got crazy.. and then it all kinda went away and me and donta went to cingular and gamestop and then we played football with chris and his lil brother and then grace came over and me him and her went to my house for a couple of hours and bullshited around and I showed her the cops video hahahahaha it was great and then she left and me and donta went to taco bell adn that was like a hour ago and here i am lol.. O yea and theres something wrong with my fan.. the lights dont work..so im pretty much lighting my room with my closet light.. so if ne1 has a lamp that I can use.. pleace let me know lol.. alright well i gota clean up in her cause donta and grace made a mess lol so PPPPPPPPPPPPPPEACE OUT

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Oct. 13th, 2004 @ 11:26 pm work work and more work..

I feel :

uncomfortable
I'm listening too: Eminem ~ Just loose it

So I got up and went to mcalisters (ne1 noticing a parten in these posts?) It was alright today, It got really busy but I took these funny jamicans guys orders and they were pretty funny so it sorta made my day lol (What does the fruit cup have in it?) haha crazy jamicans.. neway lol Then I came home at lunch took a nap and what do u know.. went to work again at publix, fun stuff... Then I came home and watched the season finale of Rescue Me witch really pissed me off cause it had like 4 cliffhangers all at the end.. but If you havent start watching it... Its a great show.. Neway So a lots been on my mind lately.. bout everything... I feel like im in a dead standstill.. i completely dead stop.. I just hopes the peices of my future start falling together soon.. if they dont.. well.. I dont know....

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Oct. 12th, 2004 @ 11:16 pm naps and satos

I feel : sleepy

sleepy
I'm listening too: so cold ~ Breaking Benjamins

first off id like to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAUL YOU SEXY BITCH and HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEVHAN HEAD.. all these damn birthdays one after another.. R E D I C U L O U S ... so today was alright.. worked at mcalisters in the morning and then came home.. took a nap lol and then went to stevhans birthday dinner it was fun Hes dads the greatest picking up that big ass tab.. i was like wtf.. it was kinda fun hanging out with molly and them again, I think i might start doing it more often. Then we went to stevhans house for like 2 seconds and then me and toni came home. That was my day in a nutshell, i left out the part how molly almost got us lost and car jacked.. but i leave that one alone..

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Oct. 11th, 2004 @ 11:27 pm confused

I feel :

confused
I'm listening too: lonely world ~ limp bizkit

first off I liked to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY KOTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA MWAH lol newaz today was an ok day worked at mcalisters then worked at publix. Toni started at Mcalisters. I swear if it wasnt for me toni would never had been employeed ever in life lol Work at publix was alright, the guys at publix want me to go to hooters with them friday night, I dont really want to, I think I might get rio to go with me.. that way we can leave if things get dumb. Newaz on a real note... Ive found myself in yet again another completely depressed state.. but im kinda relaxed.. cause.. well I did something A great friend asked me not to do, and I always told myself not to do.. but I just cant help it.. I feel a lot better now. I dont know.. what to do..

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Oct. 10th, 2004 @ 11:57 pm fun fun weekend

I feel : tired

tired
I'm listening too: you saved me ~ R Kelly

its been a long almost work free weekend.. probally the only weekend ill have off this month wich really sux, speaking of work there starting to cut my hours to save money for payroll... im not very happy, ive been seriously thinking bout leaving that hell hole.. but i dont have newere else to go, so i dont know.. newaz

Friday
I worked at McAlisters same old stuff, we were short handed, it was just me paul chris and lili out front so we really had to bust our ass, it was all good though, I think we all work well together. so that night we all went to pauls house to eat dinner cause it was his birthday diner, his pops cooked ribs, they were really good.
So then stevhan head came over and me him paul chris toni laura rio and reece all went to the fair. It was fun. We bullshited around. saw a couple of kids puke, ran into whitney and marcus (Toni enjoyed that the most). Then eventually we all got tired and went home. Me and Chris slept over at pauls house cause we had a employee meeting at mcalisters the next morning at like 7 52 in the morning. The three of us got trashed (me the most) it was lots of fun lol, I remember a lil but not much. me and paul had a drunked fight that was quit funny and Chris just kinda had a ball laughing at me, but I told chris I never threw up, and said he was gonna make me... but I still didnt, so i still have yet to throw up cause im a drinking god lol

saturday
I at 7 and the room was spining.. it was rediculous. I got up threw my jeans on and me paul and chris left for the meeting, I didnt half of what was being said cause my head was going dadum dadum dadum dadum, but i paid atention as best as I could. So then i went home after the meeting with toni and crashed til about 1 lol I got up cause Donta came over and he was like wtf u still doing in bed you lazy bith. and then I explained it to him and he thought it was quit funny, and then he left cause he had an "obligation" to nicole to go to the movies so I went over to Tonis cause I promised Tyler Id watch a movie with him, the rest of the night I played computer games with tyler and andrew and chated with toni. Then donta came over and watched tv with me and toni for a lil bit and we learned how to avoid dog attacks and atackers with hamers, and then i came home and went to bed/

sunday
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRIS COVELLI U SEXY MOTHA FUCKING BITCH DONT PUT IT ON MARY TO HARD HAHAHAHAHH but seriously though im a lil depressed I cant be with you bro, not to sound like a douche but I do miss you a lot bro, I hope we see each other soon, neway I pretty much just sat around and did nothing all day, and then went to work, wich was a bitch im ready to quit, and now im home writing this lol so yea.. I hope everyone else had a great weekend mine was alright smooches and good night

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Oct. 8th, 2004 @ 09:47 am personal battles

I feel : blah

blah
I'm listening too: Reason ~ Mest

the past few days have been pretty much the same, work home work home work home.. same old stuff. so ive found myself having crazy mood swings lately, I dont know if there mood swing, but one minute i want to have fun and bullshit around and the next im all chill and calm and if someone messes with me i get intensily agravated, I dont understand these things. Something else thats been bugging me is I hate this "bubba" persona everyone still sees me as, im not the person nemore, and I wish everyone what just forget that name and that person, the other day I was leaving McAlisters with Toni and These old rotc kids saw me and were like Bubba!!!! whats up!!! i wanted to like duck and run. I wish people would understand that thats not me nemore, but I guess thats what you get when You lived a high school life like I did... o well well i gota go to work now, but im going to the fair tonight, sure ill have lots to say about that tomorrow

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Oct. 7th, 2004 @ 01:18 am (no subject)

I feel : depressed

again...
I'm listening too: what its like ~ everlast

so the past few days ive been mostly working, if im not at work, im at home or tonis. Im tired a lot. I went and saw ladder 49 with toni and her family. Its really good u guys shoud go watch it.. ive been so down lately.. bout everything. I feel like I put up a front with everything.. Its so frustrating to act happy, and feel incredibly sad. but I dont wanna walk around sulking all day. but thats what i feel like doing. sometimes i dont even take my break in the break room at publix nemore.. I just sit in brenda office and stare .. and when im in the break room.. i want everyone to get out so i can be alone, and half the time i do go in there i end up going back to the office. I wanna get over this feeling of lonelyness and depression, but it just gets so hard... I know I have friends that care for me and love me, but its just.. I dont know.. I feel so empty.. I dont know if you guys understand this and I dont expect you too... just pray for me..

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The life and times of

Stephen Baxter